Got a toothbrush?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
