I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
