I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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