i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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