btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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