Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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