Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
