I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
