there's paper in my vomit.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize