It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
