Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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