This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
