I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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