If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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