My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
