Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
