He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My ATM looks so different sober.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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