Don't you send me to vm
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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