I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
