I just cut my nipple shaving
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
