arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
