I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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