just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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