She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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