so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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