You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
