How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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