And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
