Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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