I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
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He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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