well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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