The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
