he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
