he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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