yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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