Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
