I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
