I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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