ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
