you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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