he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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