I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
