It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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