Porn is love you can see.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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