I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
