Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
