Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
