why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
