I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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