Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize