Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this hospital has no fireball
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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