dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
