Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
