I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
