I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
