Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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