I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize