just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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