These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
