it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
