i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
