she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
