That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
