I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
