i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
