how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
