Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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